can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
