I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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