Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
