How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
