In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you remember whose house we're in?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
