He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
