you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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