oh god the rape fog is back!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, beer. Big fan.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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