He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
