I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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