I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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