nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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