Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
