i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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