If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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