Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
