my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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