I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
