He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
