I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will pee on everything he values.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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