What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
