So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize