i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
