my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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