Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
