God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
