Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
