I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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