That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
