With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
