i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize