forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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