I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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