Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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