Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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