just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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