I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
