I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
