I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
as a side note pls kill me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
