May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
