these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
