someone get that fucking seahorse.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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