now i know why i became what i already was.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize