wakey wakey hands off snakey
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
