I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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