so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
