Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
