I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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