she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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