I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
