I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
