I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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