Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
