is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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