I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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