Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
