You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
