ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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