the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
