At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize