I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
