I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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