I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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