i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
