her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
