do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
