He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my being single is dangerous.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
