What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
