I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
