So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
