thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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