My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
