my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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