Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
