4 words: hood of his car
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
