don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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