put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
