i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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